my life in shambles

type type type...
letter after letter....
I scan my memories for something to record--anything to recall...

                                         BLANK

That's not to say that nothing has happened--much has happened.
But what do I say?
What do I want the world to know?


My life is a little different now, compared to November.
                          Little is an understatement.

Somedays, I believe my life has been made whole;
         others, I feel the opposite.

I fear the opposite.

I'm afraid of the life I had before. I'm literally terrified.
I can't be the girl I was 6 months ago.
Quiet.
     A pushover.
Scared.
      Reserved.
                                                              Alone.

But life is different now.
Life is good.
Things are good.

Do I have my life in order? Absolutely not.
Am I happy? Definitely.

Although I may no longer be on the other side of the world, I still experience my own kind of adventures.

Every day I laugh.
                                    He makes me laugh.

He makes me mad.
He makes me cry.
But most important, he makes me ME.



I couldn't ask for more than that.

And so I continue.
I live my adventures.
I survive.

     And I do it with a smile.


xo LarissaMormon

The Answer

I got my answer!
Now, there are many questions that I have been, on my knees, asking. But the answer I received Saturday morning answers every one of those questions.

--I am to serve a mission.

I don't know what else to add to that. I mean, what more is there to say?
I've been thinking of serving for so long--& then BOOM! The Lord has told me to go.
Maybe He told me long ago but my heart was not yet soft.
Maybe this is the first & only answer I'll get. But that doesn't matter.
Now, what matters is that I listen.

I reckon I should tell you of the moment in which I knew.
Saturday morning, as I was preparing to go to work, I felt really discouraged.
I jumped in the shower, cranked the hot water in hopes to wash away this feeling.
As I sat at the bottom of the shower, I thought.

Thought about my life; my choices; my circumstance.

I was beginning to feel overwhelmed. REALLY overwhelmed.

My heart began to race--is there no easy way out??
I wanted all of my problems to just disappear. I wanted them to go away forever.
My heart rate growing by the minute. I began to cry.
And I couldn't stop.

Somewhere between choking and gasping for air, I began to quietly sing to myself

"It may not be on the mountain height, or over the stormy sea. It may not be at the battles front my Lord will have need of me. But IF by a still small voice, He calls"

... my heart beginning to be still...

"to paths that I do not know. I'll answer dear Lord, with my hand in thine, 'I'll go where you want me to go.' "
I knew at that moment that I had received my answer.
Heavenly Father wants me to serve Him, and now, I must prepare.
I was having a really hard time dealing with that answer as the day went on--thinking to myself

"How on Earth can I possibly pull this off?!!"

"God must have answered the wrong prayer."

"THERE'S NO WAY I CAN DO THIS!"

&

"That was not an answer--that was an upset stomach."

...but later that night I was reading the book Created For Greater Things by Jeffrey R. Holland.
In it, there's a quote that reads

"With any major decision there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination,

beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing.

If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now."

So not only did I get an answer--but I got the confirmation as well.
The Lord wants me to prepare--so I will.
I told the bishop on Sunday, after sacrament, that in one month's time, I would like to begin interviewing.
His eyes grew larger and he stared into mine. "I'm sorry--what??!" he said to me.
I laughed. I guess that wasn't what he was expecting to come out of my mouth.
I repeated myself and a smile grew upon his face.

"You let me know when you are ready, and we will begin!!"
It gave me a very settling feeling about all of this.

And that makes me happy.

xo Larissa Mormon

My Zion

Ladies and Gentlemen,
          It's that time again; Stake Conference!

Living in Fort McMurray, hours away from the Edmonton North Stake Centre, we stream our conferences via the internet. For some reason, our internet has a terrible habbit to drop--& not just once in a while. Our live-feed from the Stake Centre usually cuts out AT LEAST 8 times per conference. Heck, sometimes it doesn't ever come back. It's unfortunate--but that's just how she goes!

So today, during the Sunday session of Stake Conference, we were singing our intermediate hymn-- Redeemer of Israel. Need I tell you what happened? ....our stream cut out...

You see, naturally I would be frustrated at this turn of events, but not today. Today, it was rather a significant moment. The Wood Buffalo Ward of Fort McMurray had a "Who Ville" moment. We did not, despite the unfortunate circumstance, alter our joy & praise. We, as a congregation, became one & pressed forward in song.

This may seems silly to anyone else, but it warmed my heart to know that in my ward--we can be one.


                       " & the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart, &  one mind, &  dwelt in righteousness; [...]  "--Moses 7:18




                                                                                                           xo Larissa Mormon

100 Things

This will probably be my last blog I’ll post in Ukraine—not that I’ve posted very many or anything. But this one will be a little more—personal? Is that what I’m writing? Shoot, I don’t know. But I do know one thing for sure; I will miss Ukraine. So I’ve been thinkin’ long and hard about the things I will miss about this place. Here are 100.

1.       The Temple

2.       My branch

3.       Senior missionaries

4.       Super attractive regular missionaries

5.       SISTER MISSIONARIES!!

6.       How cheap groceries are

7.       Walking EVERYWHERE

8.       Borsch

9.       Cheap public transportation

10.   Men in European-style outfits

11.   Women in their ridiculous stilettos

12.   Cops riding the metro

13.   The metro

14.   Soccer games!

15.   The ballet

16.   Being ‘entitled’ to ignore everyone

17.   Early Spring

18.   L’viv Chocolate

19.   Milka Chocolate

20.   Roshen Chocolate

21.   ANY chocolate!

22.   Making buck-wheat jokes with Devin Kreutz

23.   Everyone wearing perfume

24.   Fancy McDonald’s

25.   Petting strangers’ fur coats

26.   Street vendors

27.   BABUSCHKAS!

28.   Being called “dyevichka”

29.   The winking game on the escalator

30.   Cheap phone bills

31.   Missing home

32.   Guessing who is married

33.   Guessing who is male or female

34.   Flash floods

35.   Playing ‘the banker’ on the marshrutka!

36.   Hot towel racks

37.   My bedroom smelling like laundry detergent because we hang-dry everything!

38.   People asking if I speak Russian because of my name

39.   People insisting I have Russian roots because of my name

40.   Washing my hands after touching ANYTHING!

41.   My freedom

42.   My students

43.   Having less responsibility

44.   All the free-time I have

45.   Being a tourist

46.   Touristy places like Maidan Nezalezhnosti and Poshtova Plosha

47.   Cops with no guns

48.   Lack of speed limits

49.   Lack of laws

50.   Aggressive yet cautious drivers

51.   Wi-fi everywhere!

52.   Inexpensive musical instruments

53.   Taking a million photos

54.   Getting yelled at for taking someone’s photo

55.   Having to pay someone for taking their photo

56.   New York Bagel guy

57.   Fancy cars

58.   The people I’ve taught with!

59.   My coordinators

60.   Guessing who is a tourist

61.   Pointing people in the wrong direction

62.   Bumble-bee candies!

63.   Laughing when I don’t understand being totally normal.

64.   Telling drunk old men to leave me alone

65.   Playing charades all day, every day!

66.   The toilet being separated from the rest of the washroom

67.   Complaining about the heat

68.   Writing postcards

69.   Skyping everyone

70.   Being so excited when I hear people speak English

71.   Being cautious with my money

72.   How cheap it is to travel to surrounding countries

73.   Cultural diversity

74.   Challenging myself

75.   A new adventure everyday

76.   FIREWORKS!

77.   Enjoying Domino’s pizza

78.   The endless amounts of people I meet

79.   Being allowed to take just about anything on the bus!

80.   Having someone drive me around

81.   Randomly speaking Russian words throughout my sentences

82.   Making fun of people in English and no one understanding

83.   Getting caught by an English speaker while making fun of someone

84.   Numerous beautiful parks

85.   Taking a stroll on a warm sunny day and having nothing better to do

86.   Men carrying their girlfriend’s/wife’s purse

87.   Men carrying their own ‘murse’

88.   People thinking I talk funny

89.   DELICIOUS baked goods

90.   People back home missing me

91.   Realizing, every day, how lucky I am to be from North America

92.   The funny looks I get when I whistle indoors

93.   Getting yelled at for sitting on the floor

94.   The death glare I get when I pay my bus fare in petty change

95.   The fruit-stand guy whistling at me every morning—creep! haha

96.   How easy it is to lose weight here!

97.   Complaining about Ukraine

98.   The endless temptation to buy ANOTHER Dynamo soccer scarf

99.   Not living my life on my cellphone

100.  CHIVALRY!!!

I trust that this list will grow more and more as I am home--but as for now, there are 100 things I will miss about Ukraine and I will miss them very much.

Me Home Away From Home

On Monday, April 16th, 2012 I was given a new host family.
I moved into their flat just across the Dniper river.
Here's a view from my bedroom window.

This new family consists of 3 people and a dog. His name is Simon.

our GORGEOUS kitchen

the hallway

living

entry way & secret closet

main washroom

my room!

yup! I have a flat screen t.v!

& a closet!!!!

This family is so nice-- and guess what? I LOVE IT!
I feel so welcome and loved here. It's so great!

Don't you put it in your mouth

Have you ever heard that ridiculously obnoxious commercial from back in the 90's? It consisted of two little blue monsters, singing to its viewers about not putting something in your mouth until you asked someone you loved.
Well--they were right, you really shouldn't consume anything if you don't know what it is. I learned this lesson when I purchased a bun at the local Kray grocery store. I saw these delicious looking buns, thinking to myself "I haven't had a bun in forever!" So I bought one and brought it to school for snack time! I love snack time. Hahah!
Surprise! It was STUFFED with onions, carrots, cabbage, and some really odd spice. So ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why you don't put it in your mouth until you ask someone you love--especially in Ukraine!

I Owe It To The Past

Okay--so as you all know, I'm way too freaking busy to actually blog during my crazy days...so I got up at 7 am to do this!
Okay, to be fair, I got up at 7 am to skpye my two besties back in Fort Mac...but it just so happens that I'm not completely exhausted, so I figured--heck why not blog?
So here it is.
During the last week of March, myself and all the other ILP volunteers in Ukraine were given a week off.
Most of them went on big group tours all around surrounding countries.
But did I join them?
Nay.
In my second semester at Cold Lake High School I had the most amazing Social Studies teacher.
His name is David Yoshida.
He worked me to the bone in that class, memorizing every tiny detail about World War II and really knowing my facts.
During the semester, I basically hated him because he was such a difficult teacher, but looking back, he has helped me so much.
I really look up to this guy.
One day in April 2010, we had talked about the concentration camps used during the Nazi regime, I'm sure most of you know about one.
Auschwitz.
One word.
One bone-chilling word to describe World War II.
That name stuck with me for a very long time.
The more we learned about it, the more I yearned to witness it first hand.
Well, if any of you have fallen victim of my endless facebook status postings, you'll know that I was just recently in Poland.
My second day there, I was blessed enough to be able to make my way to the Auschwitz-Birkenau camp.
I haven't many words to say about what I had witnessed, only that I pray that anyone with the means to do so should find their way to Poland.
The emotions that went through me are indescribable, really.
But I'd like to post a few photos of the camps.
So, here they are.

Arbeit Macht Frei

                                                                 

Block 24

No Hope For the Helpless

Baggage

Looking up in the gas chamber

Left or Right

A Light At the End of the Road

the only safe place to hide

Memento Mori

Unforgettable

Past the Point of No Return