Now, there are many questions that I have been, on my knees, asking. But the answer I received Saturday morning answers every one of those questions.
--I am to serve a mission.
I don't know what else to add to that. I mean, what more is there to say?
I've been thinking of serving for so long--& then BOOM! The Lord has told me to go.
Maybe He told me long ago but my heart was not yet soft.
Maybe this is the first & only answer I'll get. But that doesn't matter.
Now, what matters is that I listen.
I reckon I should tell you of the moment in which I knew.
Saturday morning, as I was preparing to go to work, I felt really discouraged.
I jumped in the shower, cranked the hot water in hopes to wash away this feeling.
As I sat at the bottom of the shower, I thought.
Thought about my life; my choices; my circumstance.
I was beginning to feel overwhelmed. REALLY overwhelmed.
My heart began to race--is there no easy way out??
I wanted all of my problems to just disappear. I wanted them to go away forever.
My heart rate growing by the minute. I began to cry.
And I couldn't stop.
Somewhere between choking and gasping for air, I began to quietly sing to myself
"It may not be on the mountain height, or over the stormy sea. It may not be at the battles front my Lord will have need of me. But IF by a still small voice, He calls"
... my heart beginning to be still...
"to paths that I do not know. I'll answer dear Lord, with my hand in thine, 'I'll go where you want me to go.' "
I knew at that moment that I had received my answer.
Heavenly Father wants me to serve Him, and now, I must prepare.
I was having a really hard time dealing with that answer as the day went on--thinking to myself
"How on Earth can I possibly pull this off?!!"
"God must have answered the wrong prayer."
"THERE'S NO WAY I CAN DO THIS!"
&
"That was not an answer--that was an upset stomach."
...but later that night I was reading the book Created For Greater Things by Jeffrey R. Holland.
In it, there's a quote that reads
"With any major decision there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination,
beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing.
If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now."
So not only did I get an answer--but I got the confirmation as well. The Lord wants me to prepare--so I will.
I told the bishop on Sunday, after sacrament, that in one month's time, I would like to begin interviewing.
His eyes grew larger and he stared into mine. "I'm sorry--what??!" he said to me.
I laughed. I guess that wasn't what he was expecting to come out of my mouth.
I repeated myself and a smile grew upon his face.
"You let me know when you are ready, and we will begin!!"
It gave me a very settling feeling about all of this.
And that makes me happy.
xo Larissa Mormon
