THIS is it

It's about that time again...
Time to procrastinate.

Instead of being the responsible 18 year old that I pretend to be, here I sit on my cousin's bed. The burning glares from my obese suitcases no longer phases me. I just need to stop and breathe for a bit. I haven't slept much in the past few days. I think that contributes to my anxiety. This isn't to say that I'm not totally excited to go--cause I totally am!! But I have this incessant ounce of fear--that unrelenting pest, whispering "what if?" with every step I take.

But I don't want to hear my pessimistic thoughts. I want reassurance that what I'm doing isn't completely foolish. That my host family will be amazinng. That my suitcases will magically weigh 50 lbs each. That the people I sit next to on the plane are chatty and fun.

Tomorrow, I embark on a journey that symbolizes me--growing up; finding myself; finding God; chasing my dreams.
So for this very moment, I will silence every fear and replace it's bitter effects with breaths of peace, comfort, hope, and joy.

I know that I am going to love this trip, the kids, the teachers, the volunteers, my host family, and Ukraine as a whole. It's just the wait that kills me--it's the wait that keeps me cleaving onto this fear--a fear of being miserable, forgotten, replaced, and alone. But I have faith in myself& my abilities. This experience will change my life--but for now, I'm still waiting.

These are my wise words of the late eventide and I hope that I might find a way to actually relax.

None the less,
Stay true to yourself and your environment.
xo LarissaMormon